The Hole in the Wall Lounge

The blogosphere is celebrating Stanley Yelnats's birthday by posting hole. It's a blog bandwagon! A holewagon. The following post is my humble contribution. Check in at Prismatic Weekly after the hole in the blogosphere closes to find a collection of related posts. You just might find the hole post that was made for you.

The Hole in the Wall Lounge (or the Djinn's Inn, as it is more colloquially known) is an extradimensional hookah lounge, tavern, and inn owned and operated by Zarif the Kindly, a lesser djinni - a noble djinni would not be caught dead in such an establishment (rumor has it that Ghaabiz the Giving, an emir of the Sky Gardens of Fussammah, is the actual owner, although it would be scandalous to suggest as much in the company of any djinn).

There are a few means to reach the Hole in the Wall Lounge, though none are particularly easy. Scattered across the planes are certain portable holes which have been specially stitched with silver thread around their edges. Rather than functioning as a typical portable hole, when applied to a flat surface (the floor or ground, a ceiling, or preferably a wall), these unique portable holes instead create an opening to the Hole in the Wall Lounge. Those individuals entering through a hole placed upon the floor or ground emerge into the lounge through a chimney, those entering through a hole placed on a ceiling emerge in the lounge's wine cellar, and those entering through a hole placed on a wall emerge from the establishment's main door, which is considered most polite.

These unique portable holes were originally gifted to djinn merchants, ambassadors, and friends (as well as a few marids, with who the djinn get along somewhat amicably), Many were in turn gifted to heroic adventurers, lost, or stolen, such that is it no longer possible to account for all of them. The djinn have given up attempting to do so. Roughly 1-in-10 portable holes found in dungeons and such are of this variety. They are not typically sold by anyone with good sense, although they are sometimes gifted, particularly by djinn to those who are not of a nefarious (Evil) or "boring" (Lawful) nature.

Another means of reaching the Lounge is by way of a passwall spell, although the spell must be cast on a flat surface bearing the Lounge's unique Dwarvish rune, which is etched into the surface and inlaid with silver. This is almost always on a wall. The djinn and their allies work tirelessly to erase the signifiers when applied to other surfaces, in order to better encourage visitors to come to the Lounge by way of the main door.

Others reach the Lounge by way of a plane shift spell, although this requires the use of a tuning fork calibrated to the Lounge's unique extraplanar signature (it is a literal fork from the Lounge's collection of cutlery, silver and likewise stamped with the Lounge's unique rune). Once theft of the Lounge's silverware became an issue, Zarif began using his magical ability to fabricate items to produce utensils for guests. These forks instead last just longer than 24 hours before disintegrating into dust, unless a permanency spell is cast upon them to preserve the enchantment.

The final way to reach the Lounge is via astral projection. In the Astral Sea there are pools the color of red wine, exceptionally hard to find, which lead to the Lounge. They are easily mistaken for pools of a similar color, which lead to certain Lower Planes. One must be cautious in discerning the difference in hue, lest they end up in a far less hospitable place entirely.

Entering through one of these pools magically traps the visitor within one of the Lounge's many casks of vintage wine until it is uncorked by the proprietor. Zarif will usually declare that the visitor has spoiled the vintage, and will require them to perform a number of menial but good natured tasks before they will be served, such as pouring wine, scrubbing floors, or changing bedclothes. These are all things which Zarif can achieve magically, of course - this is the djinn way of teaching a lesson about requiring service of one recently released from imprisonment within a vessel.

There are certainly other ways of entering the place which cannot be accounted for here. For example, there are always rats in the cellar, though no one can say how exactly they come to be there.

To leave, one simply exits by the main door, at which point they arrive back from whence they originally departed, for better or worse.

The interior of the Lounge is cozy and lushly appointed with tapestries, pillows, dim lanterns, and low tables (seating is on the floor). The air smells of rich incense, perfume, and tobacco, with plenty of hookah pipes to go around. There is always pleasing music (any visitors with instruments are quickly pressed into service in exchange for discounted or free accommodations, depending on talent). The wine never stops flowing, and unimaginable vintages are readily available. The food is impossibly delicious (all of it conjured by Zarif). The windows look out on planar vistas (all illusory - in reality, there is nothing but a black void beyond the Lounge's walls).

Any number of interesting patrons may be present at the Lounge when the player characters arrive, but I recommend at least a number equal to your amount of players. This ensures that every player has at least one creature to interact with. You might roll d3+3, which gives a random number between 4 and 6.

As for who all might be there, due to the various means of entry the possibilities are quite numerous. Anyone with a special portable hole may be there, as may any character, party of characters, or creature capable of casting passwall (a 5th-level magic-user/wizard spell in most editions), plane shift (a 5th-level spell for clerics in AD&D and a 7th-level spell for clerics, druids, sorcerers, warlocks, and wizards in 5e), or astral spell/astral projection (a 7th-to-9th-level spell for clerics, illusionists, and magic-users in AD&D and a 9th-level spell for clerics, warlocks, and wizards in 5e). Who exactly might be there will thus vary by the system you're using. Here are some possibilities:

• Individual characters/parties of characters (mostly 9th-level and above - but the occasional lower-level as well - usually including at least one cleric, magic-user/wizard, druid, sorcerer, or warlock, edition depending)
• Berbalangs
• Cambions
• Older dragons that can cast spells (likely metallic, as their ability to shapechange into humanoids allows them to blend in more easily - although an old enough dragon of any type could also find its way in, some imagination will be required to determine why an ancient red dragon is there)
• Genies (djinn, efreet, and marids - dao are expressly forbidden, but that doesn't necessarily mean one won't show up!)
• Githyanki/githzerai
• Inevitables (perhaps waiting for some cosmic criminal/oathbreaker to show up - maybe a member of the party!)
• Ki-rin
• Liches
• Mind flayers
• Morkoth
• Mummy lords
• Naga
• Nagpa
• Neogi
• Night hags
• Rakshasa
• Retrievers
• Slaad
• Androsphinxes
• Steel predators
• Titans
• Vampire spellcasters
• Yugoloths
• And more!

Inciting violence inside the Lounge is guaranteed way to earn a lifetime ban and the enmity of the djinn. The Lounge is a place of extraplanar rest and relaxation, not conflict. If the player characters have the means to enter the Lounge, it's a great haven in which to recover in the midst of a dungeon delve without needing to return to town. 

That's not to say that the Lounge is lacking in excitement. It's a place for clandestine meetings and tense negotiations, scheming and subterfuge. Characters may be tricked or ensorcelled. Powerful creatures will want to know who they are, where they're from, what they've done, and what they're doing next. Dragons will want to know if they have a stronghold and what treasures are kept there. Liches will see their faces and scry on them from other realms. Mind flayers will learn of their world and bring this information back to their people to enact future plans against it.

Here's an example as to how I might "stock" the Lounge. Characters can get there by way of a portable hole at any level, which allows basically any creature to potentially be there. More likely, by my estimation, characters get there by way of passwall or plane shift, which become available at 9th-level (when they get access to 5th-level spells). Therefore I'm going to treat the Lounge as if it were the 9th-level of the dungeon.

First I roll d3+3 and get 6, so there will be 6 noteworthy patrons at the Lounge when the characters arrive. Next, I'll roll on the Dungeon Random Monster Level Determination Matrix from the AD&D DMG:

Since the Lounge is treated as being the 9th-level of the dungeon, I roll 6d20 on that row of the table. Note that this can lead me to roll on the random monster table corresponding to any of the ten dungeon levels, so we are working with the full range of creatures. On d20 I roll 4, 6, 10, 13, 16, and 19. That's dungeon levels IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, and IX. 

Rolling on each of those tables, which I won't include here, I got: blink dog, giant poisonous snake, lammasu, fire giant, rust monster, and purple worm. These probably seem like odd results, and they are! You might opt to reroll until you end up with creatures that "make sense", and I certainly considered that. But what if we just tried to make it make sense? 

The blink dog is there because of some mishap with its limited ability to teleport. It has since been adopted as Zarif's loyal pet. The giant poisonous snake in fact belongs to a renowned snake charmer, who has been invited here by Zarif to entertain the lounge's guests. The lammasu is a friend of Zarif's and visits the Lounge often, being generally kind and friendly to all good creatures. The fire giant could be a messenger sent by an efreeti of the City of Brass, waiting to meet someone.

The rust monster and purple worm are more difficult to rationalize, and might warrant a reroll. The rust monster might take the place of the rats in the cellar - a nuisance vermin for the player characters to handle in order to enter into Zarif's good graces or make amends for some faux pas. The purple worm surely isn't an adult purple worm, because that would be too big. Perhaps Zarif is keeping a juvenile purple worm and making some exotic drinks with venom milked from its stinger.

Of course, only three of these creatures could be considered "patrons". You might reroll the blink dog, rust monster, and purple worm in order to instead generate proper NPCs, but I quite like the way this particular batch of rolls turned out.